


WoW HeadQuarters Archive

by Tolpen



Category: Warcraft - All Media Types, World of Warcraft
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Don't copy to another site, Exploring AUs, HeadQuarters Verse, Interviews, Lists, Meta, Minor Character Death, Minor Character(s), Mirror of Erised, Multi, Parenthood, Theories and speculations, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2019-11-17 22:00:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 38
Words: 15,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18107315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tolpen/pseuds/Tolpen
Summary: The archive of the weekly published lists on the blog wowheadquarters.tumblr.com.In which the racial leaders each react to a prompt given by the readers. Also includes interviews and the author's most top faves.





	1. What fandom would they be in if they had Tumblr

**Varian:** Marvel. So. Much. Marvel.

The Council of Three Hammers: SuperWhoLock. Moira loves Sherlock, Muradin is all up to Doctor Who and Falstad is a huge fan of Supernatural. SuperWholock seemed as a good option.

 **Tyrande:** My Little Pony. But everybody pretends they don't know about it.

 **Mekkatorque:** Ironman or Batman, also he is the Science side of Tumblr.

 **Velen:** Steven Universe fandom. It might be only because of the Gems who can't return home, tho...

 **Genn:** Game of Thrones. And he hates spoilerists.

 **Aysa:** Teletubbies, somehow.

 **Thrall:** Undertale, though nobody has any idea how he got to it.

 **Vol’jin:** After a lot of sarcastic comments he had read Homestuck. He has a lot of grey "warpaint" now.

 **Baine:** He had seen Gravity Falls but he doesn't count himself as part of the fandom.

 **Sylvanas:** She isn't in the Creepypasta fandom, she IS the Creepypasta fandom.

 **Lor’themar:** He quite enjoys Orange is the new black.

 **Gallywix:** Disney. But he counts Starwars as part of Disney.

 **Ji:** Anime, especially the old ones. Plus Pokémon.


	2. What "breakfast" means for them

**Varian:** Early in the morning, having various cheeses, hams and drinks. It used to be 'late in the morning' but he changed the habit to spend morning with Anduin.

 **The Council of Three Hammers:** A lot of brew, eggs, bacon and yelling. There are three saltshakers because nobody ever passes the salt. Never ever.

 **Tyrande:** A rice cake, an apple and fresh spring water.

 **Mekkatorque:** One pot of strong blag coffee. Eventually somebody brings him something to drink and eat while he is in the middle of morning engineering. He takes two bites and a immediately forgets about it.

 **Velen:** Fruit, mostly. And some water. Although it takes him a lot time because before he finishes he reads a chapter or two (or three... well four.)

 **Genn:** Whatever he hunted last night along with some wine. He does his best not to get drunk before the noon, but being a Worgen is hard to deal with...

 **Aysa:** Swift walk outside and then she sits and enjoys her rice balls and green tea in the nature because that is the only way you can enjoy the sunrise.

 **Thrall:** He used to forget about eating but now Agrra takes care of this. That means he has a good and healthy breakfast with family.

 **Vol’jin:** Since he hasn't married so far, plus his terrible sleeping schedule which includes working late in the night... He drinks a lot of tea and eventually Vanira brings him an apple or some bread.

 **Baine:** A lot and lot of salad. With lot and lot of water. He may live healthy but he is hungry a lot.

 **Sylvanas:**  The dead don't eat. But sometimes she has a glass of milk just to keep the bones in good shape.

 **Lor'themar:** If there aren't three types of cheese, a bottle of wine and a roasted quail, he calls it 'an early snack' and not breakfast.

 **Gallywix:** Breakfast, more like break _FEAST_.

 **Ji:** A swift breakfast made from rice balls and green tea and then slow walk outside because that is the only way you can enjoy the sunrise


	3. The theme of their slumber party

**Varian:** A zoo-themed one. in addition to normal rooms, there was a jungle pavilion and a water pavilion (or as we call it 'a pool'). And he had a lion costume. (Anduin barricaded himself in library and refused to join them.)

 **The Council of Three Hammers:** The only difference from the Brewfest was: Less people and three types of decoration. In fact three types of everything, except brew, because that was the only thing they could agree on.

 **Tyrande:** The Beauty Party, with hot tubs, manicure and so on. It would have been less awkward without Gallywix, but everybody enjoyed it.

 **Mekkatorque:** Music themed. That means a lot of music was played. He even convinced everyone to sing.

 **Velen:** It was the Party-In-Library. But to be fair, he read for everybody and chose dwarven epic stories. Only Muradin fell asleep in the middle of one, because he "had heard them a thousand times".

 **Genn:** A normal sleep over plus a night hunt. Velen got lost in the forest, though, so it turned into Looking For Velen Party.

 **Aysa:** She claimed it was Food-themed party but she simply cooked too much food. Not like anybody complained.

 **Thrall:** He came up with the idea of telling scary stories. Save for Vol'jin, Genn and Mekkatorque, nobody slept well that night.

 **Vol'jin:** A tea party. Because Blaine told him that drug party will not happen. He was really grumpy about that

 **Baine:** A camp out in the nature of Mulgore. It turned out great and got even better once Thrall confiscated Vol'jin's "sack of revenge herbs".

 **Sylvanas:** Halloween themed party. It was on the Hallow's End event and since it is the time of Forsaken... She helped everyone with their costumes and everything was just perfect.

 **Lor'themar:** He chose the "Classic Highborne Celebration" with wine, singers, lot of food and plays. It was not as boring as it sounds. Everybody remembers throwing Aysa into lake, nobody remembers why was that.

 **Gallywix:** The "Bring your culture" party. Everyone expected Vol'jin with a huge blade and Mekkatorque with bombs. Nobody expected Falstad's gryphons.

 **Ji:** He went for casino-themed party. Mostly just to make Gallywix feel better about his own, which literally ended up in ruins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never been to a slumber party.


	4. Their hidden talents

**Varian:**  Improvised costumes. Nobody knows why nor how, and nobody wants to even know.

 **The Council of Three Hammers:**  Arguing with each other after the argue lost point and everybody had forgotten what they were even talking about. It may not be so hidden talent…

 **Tyrande:**  She would be so great theatre actress she just never had a chance to try out.

 **Mekkatorque:**  Drawing. Blueprints, landscapes, portraits, anything! give him a pen and a paper, he gives you an art.

 **Velen:**  Sleeping. He can fall asleep any time and anywhere. And somehow he seems to be awake to everybody else.

 **Genn:** Knitting. He just never tried to knit a scarf, but he’d totally rock knitting if he gave it a chance.

 **Aysa:**  Dancing. But she thinks she dances terrible and sings instead.

 **Thrall:**  Story-telling. No matter how predictable or boring the tale is, he makes you caught in it anyway. Good when you’re a father.

 **Vol'jin:**  Surprisingly good babysitter. The kids, however, enjoy it more than the parents. Because the kiddos always return with slightly disturbing stories like: ”I ate a raw frog today. Uncle Vol’jin said that the next time I have to roast it at least ten minutes.”

 **Baine:**  Grimaces. You have never seen a good grimace until you’ve seen Blaine’s.

 **Sylvanas:**  She would be a good cook but a lady of her position does not cook, it is simply not suitable.

 **Lor'themar:**  Writing. He writes a poetry. And the Steamy Romance Novel comes from his hand as well.

 **Gallywix:**  Comic and jokes. The problem is people think he is joking when he is dead serious.

 **Ji:**  If you thought it’s singing but he prefers to dance, you’re wrong. Ji is secretly an architect.


	5. What they say far too often

**Varian:** “I wish Tiffin was here and kicked your ass. Seems like I have to do it myself.”

 **The Council of Three Hammers:** “Yes!” “No!” “Falstad, Muradin, act like adults for once!”

 **Tyrande:** “And moon shone on Azeroth and saw a man of stupid… Sorry, what were you talking about?”

 **Mekkatorque:** “This time it won’t explode.” 

 **Velen:** “I’m going home.”

 **Genn:** Howling. He Howls far too often.

 **Aysa:** ”I’m patient. I am still pat- Okay, this is it, I’m going to punch him in face.”

 **Thrall:** “Anybody has a better idea than- Sylvanas put your hand down.”

 **Vol'jin:**  “Not da hair! Not da hair! Let go!”

 **Baine:**  “Do I really have to be here?”

 **Sylvanas:**  “We are so not getting married.”

 **Lor'themar:**  “Why do I have to be in charge here again?”

 **Gallywix:** “Bring me another cake.”

 **Ji:** “I regret this.”


	6. If they had to take care of a group of small children for a day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The racial leader take care of a group of children about 5 years old.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first list that had been ever requested by a reader and it was really really super popular for some time.  
> The request was anonymous.

**Varian:** Panicked. Kids refused to obey or be silent and wanted to play with real sharp swords. He managed to put them in garden to play with a ball and calledAnduin as a backup. It ended up as a story-telling session and Varian was glad the day was over.

 **The Council of Three Hammers:** The children loved Falstad’s gryphons and they get way too many rides on them. Moira, already a mother, is great at taking care of them and shooshing them when they get hurt (happens here and there). Muradin hadn’t noticed there were any children.

 **Tyrande:**  This actually turned out to be more a school than a child-care. The children returned with weird questions, the most intriguing being “Where do I get a glaive and demon blood?”

 **Mekkatorque:**  He is actually great with children. However, he can’t give piggy-back rides, no matter how much he wants to. All kids are bigger than him. On the other hand, the toys were well welcomed.

 **Velen:** He would call the day a complete success if only he hadn’t been called “Grandpa” all the time. He wouldn’t mind the kids calling him that, but the rest of the Draenei keeps calling him that even today. ****

 **Genn:** He might and might not had forgotten the kids are young. It was a workout day and a military training in once. Okay, maybe it was more like a scout field trip, but still it was pretty hard on the children.

 **Aysa:**  She gave up teaching them calligraphy when she realized that painting will keep them quiet for a while. She keeps all the pictures the kids gave her on a wall. All 39 of them.

 **Thrall:** He befriended the children with Durak and then did his best to teach them about nature. When Agrra came in, he was buried under pile of swarming pack of ferocious wolves. Or children, that depends. It was a good day for everybody.

 **Vol'jin:**  He was sarcastic thorough the day and to every question he gave an honest answer. the kids are now fluent in Zandali swearwords, have basic knowledge of voodoo, know how to wrestle a tiger and cook him in twenty different ways. The matron is slightly confused why the kids keep saying “I’m four, I should have a knife for two years already. I made this one, you can’t take it from me.” They want to see Vol’jin again, although the experience has to be, according to what they keep excitedly telling about it, terrifying.

 **Baine:** He actually spent the whole day carrying the children around Mulgore on is horns. That’s it. That’s all.

 **Sylvanas:** She wasn’t really happy about taking care of children and she wasn’t really good at it either. The kids were scared, they cried, Sylvanas yelled. She suggested playing Hiden’n’Seek and lost the kids all over the Undercity. Children at least had some fun hiding away from Sylvanas’ elite team of Dark Rangers looking for them. Sylvanas, however, still thinks she won the game, because she managed to all the children back and alive. 

 **Lor'themar:** Kids went literally everywhere. They were noisy, crying, yelling, laughing, playing with priceless tomes and artifacts. They nearly put the rest of Silvermoon in ruins when they found magic properties. Lor’themar’s summary of the day was: “Not different from what I usually do, except they were actual kids.”

 **Gallywix:** He didn’t care about the children at all, because he was told he can’t use them for labour neither sell them to slavery. The kids were playing in his palace and with the mooks standing around. It included a lot of happy singing (and grunting) and swimming in a pool.

 **Ji:** The kids decided to play a war. He joined. He was pretending to be Deathwing and kids were brave heroes saving the Azeroth. Then they went for a meal and a log afternoon nap.


	7. How would they deal with their crush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This list was requested anonymously.

**Varian:** After a few awkward attempts to subtly flirt he just went straight forward and explained his feelings. And that’s how Anduin was born.

 **The Council of Three Hammers:** Like any other Dwarf, members of the Council are quiet about their feelings in every way… except for writing a lot and a lot of love letters full of poetry. In Falsatd’s case the poetry is somewhat better but it is still terrible. It’s the traditional dwarven way.

 **Tyrande:**  If you are not sure what “tsundere” means, here you have a perfect example of one. She “makes too many cakes”, “didn’t mean to trip and fall into your arms” etc. Malfurion, however, was never fooled.

 **Mekkatorque:**  Is quite puzzled why he keeps thinking about them instead of that thing he is currently working on. He eventually ends up giving small gifts like heart-shower-machine to his crush until they get the message and make the first move.

 **Velen:**  Keeps himself as far from them as possible, because “it is distracting and for sure not going to end well.” Somebody then notices Velen is feeling a lil’ bit under the weather and gets help from their good friend… Who is (not so surprisingly) the problematic crush. It all settles after a lot of talking.

 **Genn:** The person find themselves in sudden attention of the king Greymane and being invited to dinners, balls, and other events way too often. When they finally ask, what is this supposed to mean, Genn loses words and after a minute of awkward silence there is a kiss under the full moon on the balcony. “And that is Tess and Liam how I met your mother,”

 **Aysa:** Is very hesitant about speaking up about her feelings. She decides to let small gifts talk for her instead. Gifts such as a BIG RED HEART on every door they passes through. Really, it’s very subtle…

 **Thrall:** He is very dumb when it comes to flirting so he is just being very very friendly. He is also very dumb at recognizing he is being flirted with. Unless the crush [read: Agrra] makes the first move, he is just gonna wallow in the “they don’t love me” feeling forever.

 **Vol'jin:**  Has the bad habit at having crushes on people who can’t tell they’re being flirted with. He tries for several years and when his crush finds their true love (most likely somebody else than him) he just gives up and pretends how happy he is for them while suppressing the urge to kill everybody and then get very drunk.

 **Baine:**  He waits for the Winter Veil. Then he makes a very romantic dinner for two, talks about things he is interested in like the crush, the nature, the crush, the balance, and the crush again. If the person is not completely dumb, they will get it.

 **Sylvanas:**  Pushes her loved one far far away because “I am undead, this would never work out.”

 **Lor'themar:**  Is constantly pushed away by his crush far far away because they think that being undead is a problem.

 **Gallywix:** Claims that as a Trade Prince his crush should be grateful for at least some attention. He completely missed that his crush is sick of him. Like all the time.

 **Ji:** He waits for the Love is in the Air time of year and then asks his crush out. There is a huge box of chocolate, a drink and a bouquet. Why to make it complicated?


	8. Something cute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something cute the leaders sometimes do without knowing it is cute (or knowing they do it at all)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This list was requested by Tumblr user _itsanopallife_ who has since then changed their url or deactivated.

**Varian:** He often says how cute Anduin’s happy victory dance is. He still has no clue Anduin inherited that one from his father…

 **The Council of Three Hammers:** Muradin’s brotherly overprotective rage about Brann, Moira’s motherly overprotective rage over her son, and Falstad’s overprotective rage over gryphons.

 **Tyrande:** Whenever she loses and argument she pouts. …Malfurion might and might not be starting absolutely pointless arguments and then wins them just because of this. 

 **Mekkatorque:** Gnomes overall look quite cute when they’re confused. ‘Torque, however, nearly sparkles when h is excited. It is always a blueprint well spend just to see him excited.

 **Velen:**  He still can’t stop himself from the happy tail wiggling here and there. On the other hand, others don’t rally want him to stop.

 **Genn:** It is very funny to watch him freak out around cats. Although, the way he acts around dogs and especially puppies is very cute. He pets and cuddles the hell out of them if the thinks nobody sees him.

 **Aysa:** She pretends she is not ticklish. Even when you tickle her. She is giggling and trying to get out of your reach, but she still pretends.

 **Thrall:** He is cute he is smiling. Don’t you even dare telling him he is smiling, he thinks it looks terrible. But in fact, he looks like a happy puppy. Green and tusked puppy, but still puppy.

 **Vol'jin:**  The accent he has in languages other than Zandali. But to be fair, all Trolls share this.

 **Baine:**  During the reeeeeeally boring meetings [read: nearly every meeting] he falls asleep with his chin on the table. Nobody ever had the heart to wake him up.

 **Sylvanas:** Whenever she finds sweets, she just sits there and stuffs herself with them. Recklessly, fiercely, eating all the drops and chocolate in her reach and nothing can stop her. Not even the fact you are looking at her. 

 **Lor'themar:**  He does this “dramatically-awesome” hair flip. All blood elves do it. But somehow, he seems more cute that dramatic.

 **Gallywix:** Jogging. Well, in fact it’s not exactly jogging, it’s just his enormous belly- Damn it, there is no way to say this polite way. He is fat and when he moves fast enough the fat goes up and down like a bouncy ball.

 **Ji:** Whenever he makes tea (or just thinks really hard), he sticks out the very tip of his tongue. It means he is strongly focused. At least he says that. Everybody else just thinks he looks like a cute kitten-bear.


	9. Kill-time activity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What do the leaders like to do when they are bored?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This list was requested by tumblr user pastel-pepes

**Varian:** He actually plays chess with Anduin (and loses all the time by the way) but only because it’s a good excuse to be with his son. In fact, he hates chess. When he is really bored and Anduin is not around, he trains with his sword. And that’s what he actually enjoys.

 **The Council of Three Hammers:** Muradin is hardly ever bored but when he is, he goes fishing. Falstad, not suprising anybody, in case like this goes for a ride/flight with his gryphons. And Moira…Moira cooks. It works also to calm her down or deal with nervousness as well.

 **Tyrande:** She sits somewhere quiet, closes her eyes and sings quietly. She can spend hours and hours like this when nobody talks to her.

 **Mekkatorque:** ‘Torque and bored? That is quite oxymoron to be honest. It’s because when he has nothing to do, he tinkers. Probably tinkering counts as “he does it when he’s bored.”

 **Velen:**  He is fond of talking to people about things he is interested in, so in case of boredom he finds himself a person to have a long discussion with. Or, as other people call it, he argues with anybody random and nearby.

 **Genn:** The King of Gilneas loves fishing as well. He and Muradin should meet one day, when they have nothing better to do than sit in complete silence by the river and fish all day long.

 **Aysa:** Most of the people would guess something as origami or calligraphy but when she is bored, Aysa goes swimming. First it’s fun. Second, it’s healthy.

 **Thrall:** He barricades himself in the library and reads novels. And he reads and reads until he is needed somewhere.

 **Vol'jin:**  He claims he dances when he is bored but nobody had seen him to do so. It was Vanira who pointed out that Zandali have the same word for “dancing” and “fighting (in violent-bloodshed sort of meaning)” so it seems that Vol’jin violently slaughters out of boredom. That quite fits and explains some bloodstains on the floor.

 **Baine:**  He writes letters to his friends living far away. In case there is no correspondence awaiting him, he sleeps through the boring afternoon.

 **Sylvanas:** She sits on her throne looking absolutely displeased with the world and everybody around her while in her head she plans her own world domination. Never gets old. 

 **Lor'themar:**  Maybe he doesn’t do it out of boredom but out of the anger he feels towards the “whiny pussies” [read: Blood Elves] around him. What are we subtly trying to say is, that he drinks a lot. And gets drunk. Not that much as he would like, but still you might see him drunk pretty often. Except when he is drunk he acts nearly the same as when sober.

 **Gallywix:** Takes advantage of his position and gives absurd and/or impossible tasks to his servants. Like bringing him two-color paint and so on. He enjoys their struggling, people struggle and nobody is bored.

 **Ji:** Just like Aysa when he is bored he goes to water. Except he doesn’t swim more like dive and hunts for pearls. It has the taste of an adventure for him so needed.


	10. Their ideal vacation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What would their perfect week off work be like?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This list was requested anonymously

**Varian:** He would be absolutely happy on a small farm with sheep and horses and his family. Elvyn Forest in the middle of summer would be great.

 **The Council of Three Hammers:** They all agree that a cottage in the mountains would be awesome place to spend time. They also agree they would love to be ALONE FOR DAMNED FIVE MINUTES!

 **Tyrande:** Deep woods, a beach, and a cold sea. Long romantic walks. No idiots trying to end the world. And singing birds

 **Mekkatorque:** He has quite a problem understanding what vacation means. Gnomes and vacation don’t usually mix. So… New Tinkertown without radiation?

 **Velen:**  Back on Argus there used to be a flawless waterfall with beautiful crystal caves hidden behind it. He used to spend every free moment there. Good times, good times. Nowadays the Azure Watch must just do.

 **Genn:** A cabin in the woods where he could hunt and sleep and drink and seriously not care about the world at all. He asks for nothing more.

 **Aysa:** Her love of swimming predicts it to be some near-the-sea place. And she is curious about Outland too so… Sunspring lake in Narand. She would bring her own rice and would make sushi.

 **Thrall:** He doesn’t really care where it would be, to him with who is more important. And in his case it means family and friends. He tends to forget, that his friends are not always so friendly towards each other [read: Blaine and Sylvanas got totally into a fight the last time and everybody had to go home three days earlier.]

 **Vol'jin:**  As long as it is not cold there nor too desert-like, full of demons, devils, qiraj or the undeads and as long as he can storm out when he is angry so he could calm down, he is fine with every place. His personal pick  _used_  to be Un’goro crater, but since the Cataclysm it’s Stranlethorn.

 **Baine:**  His idea of a good vacation means not staying at one place. In fact, he is the over-excited tourist. Museum, sight-seeing, everything is so interesting. He would take tons and tons of pictures. Next stop…. Silvermoon and then going south across the whole continent.

 **Sylvanas:** As an undead, she has no need for rest and therefore for no vacation either. However some beach where she could be sleepy and lazy surrounded by a bunch of hot guys (and girls, she doesn’t really care) to admire her would be… pleasuring.

 **Lor'themar:**  A deserted island. No people. No animals. Nothing. Well, maybe something to eat and drink but otherwise really nothing. When he wants a day off without anything to bother him, he means it.

 **Gallywix:** Do you remember his Pleasure palace in Azshara? Yeah. Add some hot chicks and a lot of kaja’kola. Mmmm… And fireworks. And a party 24/7. Perfect.

 **Ji:** Aysa suggested to join her in Nagrand but he has other plans. For years now he is planning to o to Vashj’ir. Because c’mon, better place for diving AND kicking some naga-butts? Yeah, you don’t know one either.


	11. The leaders as tea

**Varian:** The “strong black in the evening that won’t let you asleep until 4 o’clock in the morning” tea.

 **The Council of Three Hammers:** The “gross and bitter herbal you have to drink to stay healthy” tea. Grandmas do it fairly often.

 **Tyrande:** The jasmine-green tea which tastes like warm water with grass but is said to be meditative and super pro-spiritual.

 **Mekkatorque:** The tea which is in fact coffee and is not even yours.

 **Velen:**  The “Oh my god you’ve come right from a blizzard! You must be freezing to death! Here have something warm, careful it’s hot!” tea. With milk.

 **Genn:** The warm tea with a lil’ bit of rum to keep you warm.

 **Aysa:** The traditionally prepared sen-cha served right as it should be with all the rituals done before, during, and after.

 **Thrall:** The soothing ~~chamomile~~ peacebloom tea after which you feel a bit better and also sleepy.

 **Vol'jin:**  The “What’s this?”-”It’s good for ya, ‘mon, good for da body and da soul.” tea.

 **Baine:**  The “hot honey with some herbs and water” tea

 **Sylvanas:** The “tea you made, completely forgot about it and found it the next morning cold and too strong but drink it anyway because it’s a waste of a good tea and now everything else is too weak for you” tea.

 **Lor'themar:** The anti-depression tea your friend bought for you as a well meant gift. You had one cup and then decided to save this tea for worse times (like when there won’t be anything else in the house).

 **Gallywix:** The tea which you accidentally made from the water you used for decaltificating the kettle and left it there.

 **Ji:** The “night watch” tea. You know: Strong, in thermos, black, bitter, warm and… Zzzzzz


	12. The leaders vs. sickness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hw do they handle being sick or incapacitated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This list was requested anonzmously

**Varian:** He doesn’t like the sick part but otherwise he enjoys the attention. Especially Anduins’ attention who turns into motherly caring figure. Important to add it woks exactly the other way as well. Wrynn family holds together, just in case you haven’t noticed so far.

 **The Council of Three Hammers:** All dwarves hate being sick and are quite immune to most everything what is not plague, hangover or soberness. However the time when Falstad broke his leg when he fell of his gryphon (he was 20), he was cussing, cursing, and drinking until he could walk again. It is safe to guess the rest would be petty much the same.

 **Tyrande:** She has three stages. 1st - I Am Fine, Sod Off! 2nd - I’m Dying, Pay Me Some Attention. 3rd - I’ll Just Pray To Elune To Heal Fast.

 **Mekkatorque:** He spends the whole time in bed, eating the medicines you give him, drinking the teas and rests a lot. In his case resting means tinkering something that would make him in the best shape again in twenty seconds. He usually gets better before he has any “great idea”.

 **Velen:** Considering he is old, he takes a lot of care to get well and even better - to never get sick. When something happens to him already, he sleeps out of it.

 **Genn:** Shapeshifts. He has the theory that sickness and injuries are bound to body, so changing the body should get you immediately better. Tess then forces him to get his royal butt to a doctors’ who is used to this and prescribes sleep pills and a normal medicine. Without sleep pills  Genn would be running around like he is fine.

 **Aysa:** She might and might be not kind of a hypochonder. On the other hand she considers green tea a magical cure to everything and if it doesn’t work, enough of sleep will get you better.

 **Thrall:** He takes it very seriously but also he wants to keep working. Kind of well-meant selfless martyrdom. Usually somebody has to tell him (nowdays it’s Aggras job) to stop and have a rest. He always does so.

 **Vol'jin:** There was already a book written about it in case you care. First of all, he hardly accepts the fact he could be sick or hurt enough to be incapacitated. And even when he does, he doesn’t really. He keeps working as long as he can at least stand. Or sit.

 **Baine:** He strongly believes he gets better soon and keeps saying so until it irritates everybody and leave him be. The sickness gives up under his might of belief and goes away. Blaine is the healthiest person on the whole Azeroth.

 **Sylvanas:** She doesn’t get sick, undead are quite immune to everything. And the injuries are nothing some stitches couldn’t fix. Not being alive has it’s perks. She wouldn’t change and consider the living “fragile whinnies.”

 **Lor'themar:** He handles it really bad. He doesn’t actually mind being sick or hurt, he just hates all the caring (which he doesn’t need) and the fact they won’t let him work. “It is just an internal bleeding and this paperwork is not going to do itself!”

 **Gallywix:** Have you ever seen a panic with legs? Well, now you have. Gallywix is afraid of death only when he sneezes a little bit or gets a paper cut.

 **Ji:** He puts to use the theory “You must just shrug it off and continue.” One time he “shrugged off” a broken leg all the way from Theramoe to Ogrimmar…


	13. Something embarrassing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is something embarrassing that has happened to the leaders?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This list was requested anonzmously

**Varian:** He sneezed during the coronation and the crown fell down off his head. Except him nobody remembers this detail.

 **The Council of Three Hammers:** Moira eats a lot. And also sometimes she sleepwalks. One night Muradin and Falstad found her sitting on the floor stuffing herself with nothing but bread. Had to say who wants to forget this more.

 **Tyrande:** Elves in their young age spend a lot of time in nature admiring flowers and climbing trees. Tyrande was climbing a pine and then she fell down right into a muddy pile. The worst part was going though the whole village to change, everybody saw her all dirty with her hair everywhere.

 **Mekkatorque:** He has a cup labelled motor oil and one labelled coffee. You can figure out the rest.

 **Velen:** Do you know the feeling when your beard tangles around your horns? He does.

 **Genn:** Howling at the moon. Back in Gilneas. When he had no idea what word “worgen” means. To his defense - he was drunk.

 **Aysa:** She sneezes like a kitten. People say it’s cute but once she sneezed on Anduin and it caused a chain reaction and so much for the Great Sneeze of Stormwind.

 **Thrall:** Gallywix once gave him Kaja’cola. He stared ten seconds into distance and then yelled “WARM SNOW!” in front of everybody.

 **Vol'jin:** When he was three he and Zalazane stole Gaidrin’s bottle of eyes (why not, it was fun?). Gaidrin was not happy and both boys were cute little rabbits for a whole week (then the hex wore off).

 **Baine:** There was the one time he was in a middle of an argument with somebody. And then some bloody idiot waved a red handkerchief. He was furious, ran into it but hit a wall and got stuck because horns.

 **Sylvanas:** Back in the days of being alive she got super drunk. Yes, it started her feelings for Lor’themar but it got awkward later. A lot. Somebody found them and painted them.

 **Lor'themar:** Look up. He is on the painting too after all.

 **Gallywix:** Except the time he tried to murder Thrall? Or was _unfairly_ accused of tying to sell his own people to slavery? Or the time he wanted to jump onto a trampoline and his fat just betrayed him and he ended um in the middle of destroyed net and metal pats? Nothing.

 **Ji:** Firepaw is not his real surname. So this one time he was making pancakes on an open fire and he missed one pancake and he wanted to save it from fire and… Firepaw. It took weeks to grow the fur back. And the pancake was ruined.


	14. Bodyswap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If the leaders had to be someone else for a day, who would they choose?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This list was requested anonymously.

**Varian:** Thrall

> **Varian:** Look, there is a perfectly logical explanati-
> 
> **Vol’jin:** And who am I supposed to say now?
> 
> **Varian:** Not sorry.

**The Council of Three Hammers:** Brann

> **Brann:** I’m flattered ya’ll like meall that much but somethin’s buggin’ me here.
> 
> **Brann:** Ya agreed on somethin’? **  
> **

**Tyrande:** ‘Fury

> **Tyrande:** And by ‘Fury I mean Malfurion of course.
> 
> **Malfurion:** You said me just because you don’t want be too far away from me, right?
> 
> **Tyrande:** …Maybe?

**Mekkatorque:** Chronormu

> **Mekkatoque:** She is a dragon, traveling in time. AND a Gnome. You can’t say _no_ to this.
> 
> **Chronormu:** Actually I wonder why I wasn’t picked by Varian. He was first to choose, he had a great opportunity to choose me and he wasted it.
> 
> **Mekkatoque:** WHEN DID YOU COME IN HERE?

**Velen:** Khadgar

> **Tyrande:** So…From an old guy in touch with the Naaru to an old guys who actually is not that old in touch with the Naaru?
> 
> **Velen:** Listen, when you are my age, you don‘t want nothing much to change. Changes are no good.
> 
> **Genn:** You tell me…

**Genn:** Tess

> **Tyrande:** Who is Tess?
> 
> **Muradin:** Good point. Is it a nice guy?
> 
> **Aysa:** You bet. He must be a great war hero!
> 
> **Genn:** …
> 
> **Aysa:** A paladin, no less! He saved Gilneas from scourge three times at least!
> 
> **Tyrande:** That makes sense. I see why Genn chose him.
> 
> **Varian:** Tess is Genn’s daughter…
> 
> **Muradin:** …Oh.

**Aysa:** Ji

> **Aysa:** I want to know what it’s like to be an impulsive looser.
> 
> **Ji:** Hey!

**Thrall:** Grommash

> **Baine:** You miss him that much?
> 
> **Garrosh:** _(far far away)_ Somehow I feel really offended and I don’t know why.

**Vol'jin:** Tyrathan

> **Vol’jin:** Ya know, I mean I was him for a while. I could rock this.
> 
> **Thrall:** Who is Tyrathan?
> 
> **Vol’jin:** Um…Long story. No need for ya to worry ‘bout dat.

**Baine:** Tormak

> **Falstad:** That’s one of the ice-buffaloes, right?
> 
> **Falstad:** One of their chieftains, if I am not mistaken. I was quite curious about them, fascinatin’ people.
> 
> **Baine:** I will pretend I didn’t hear the ice-buffaloes. Instead I’ll be happy at least somebody else remembers Taunka.
> 
> **Sylvanas:** Taunka… Taunka… Oh yeah, the ice-buffaloes from Northrend!

**Sylvanas:** Kel’thuzad

> **Thrall:** Why Kel’thuzad? I thought you hate the Scourge.
> 
> **Sylvanas:** Listen, he is a mage, he has a vast army under his command and unlike the Lich King he is not sleeping with his ass freezing on a throne.
> 
> **Thrall:** …I thought we are the good guys?
> 
> **Sylvanas:** I am a lady, not a guy.

**Lor'themar:** The Lich King

> **Lor’themar:** I do not care who has that title now. Somebody has to say this because somebody has to keep an eye on Sylvanas.
> 
> **Bolvar:** And Kel’thuzad.
> 
> **Kel’thuzad:** I could not notice, Lord Regent: Was a pun intended in your sentence?
> 
> **Kel’thuzad:** Aw, c’mon, stabbing me though chest was completely unnecessary. Gee, some people are touchy…

**Gallywix:** Salhadaar

> **Lor’themar:** I’d like to point out that this Ethereal is considered _evil_. Also I am quite surprised you chose somebody who is dead and aside from that also just a pinklish zap-zap in bandages.
> 
> **Lor’themar:** No, wait. Waaaaait. I think I get this.
> 
> **Lo’themar:** You said him because he is a king of traders, right?
> 
> **Gallywix:** Yep.

**Ji:** Illidan

> **Malfurion:** What?!
> 
> **Tyrande:** What!?
> 
> **Ji:** Theoretically I’d have to move in time to be him, right?  I would be him in the past… And I would not fuck it up.
> 
> **Aysa:** Like we believe it.


	15. Lost a game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How do the leaders react to losing a game?  
> Also if you are reading this, you have most likely just lost the Game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This list was requested anonymously

**Varian:** _(While tying not to flip out)_ Damn, that was a good one. Rematch? **  
**

 **The Council of Three Hammers:** Somewhat like this…

> **Muradin:** Ya cheated!
> 
> **Falstad:** I didn’t!
> 
> **Muradin:** ‘Nd ya call yerself my friend. I’ll never talk to ya ‘gain.
> 
> **Moira:** _(Heavy sigh)_ Five coppers I’m gonna win the next match!
> 
> **Falstad:** You wish!
> 
> _Half an hour later these three gave up on playing and just began fighting._ **  
>  **

**Tyrande:** I did this just to observe you strategy. (Keeps loosing)

 **Mekkatorque:** Blast it! I didn’t see that one coming. That’s what I get for thinking about the Radiation-cleaner instead of the game…

 **Velen:** _(Bows)_ My sincerest congratulations. A man of you wits will make it far.

**Genn:** _(Has no idea the game ended and keeps playing. Maybe he doesn’t want to notice.)_

**Aysa:** Oh. Oh! _(Smiles)_ Well that one came unexpected. You are really good. _(Meanwhile she feels like a complete failure and later cries herself to sleep. This memory proceeds to haunt her for next month or two.)_

 **Thrall:** _(Laughs)_ Ha! Looks like I’ve been bested. One always has to learn more, doesn’t he?

 **Vol'jin:** _(Without any comment sets the game ready to start again without even looking at it. Instead keeps looking at you in a quite creepy way.)_

 **Baine:** I’m afraid I’m not much of a match for you, am I?

 **Sylvanas:** _(Gives the winner a look promising a terrible revenge somewhat later)_ Another go?

 **Lor'themar:** _(Sighs.)_ Well that’s enough for me. _(Leaves the room.)_

**Gallywix:** _(Spends the next two hours being grumpy, throwing things at everybody, and pouting.)_

**Ji:** Hand up who expected it. _(Rises hand.)_


	16. How do the laders react to being loved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This list was requested by Tumblr user _unknownfeline_

**Varian:** It is quite surprise for him. But he acts cool about it. To be honest has quite a problem to return affection in the romantic way because…Yeah, because Tiffin.

 **The Council of Three Hammers:** Moira is certainly not going to be happy from any romance and she wants none. One was enough for he, really. Falstad, being the family guy, discuss with Kurdan a lot on the topic “How to deal with that.” Muradin just rolls with it and it might and might not end with a wedding.

 **Tyrande:** Elves (and Trolls) fall in love only once in their life. Like the love on the first sight, deep and everlasting one. If it’s aimed at another elf (respectively troll), it’s always reciprocated  the same way. Tyrande has Malfurion. Anybody else is not important to her when it comes to the love matter.

 **Mekkatorque:** If they can somehow get into ‘Torque’s busy schedule and not get irradiated, it should work for these two somehow.

 **Velen:** He feels quite too old for any love to be honest. But he enjoys company a lot. …You can mark this relationship as _It’s complicated_. Or maybe _Friendzone_.

 **Genn:** If nothing else, he is married and he is loyal to his wife. And daughter. What is he diplomatically trying to say to anybody else is  _“No.”_ And you bet you wanna accept it while it’s still diplomatically said.

 **Aysa:** She has been single for… Well for quite a time now. That means: If you can deal with her being supper excited over you, it’s going to work.

 **Thrall:** It had been said before that Thrall is quite dumb and does not recognize love-affection and usual friendliness. If you want him to acknowledge your feelings, you have to hit him in the head repeatedly and yell _“I love you you!”_ He should get it. And then you should run far, far away in case Aggra heard you.

 **Vol'jin:**  I already mentioned at Tyrande that Trolls mate for life. However two things are important here: Trolls believe in frequent reincarnation. Second, they believe that sharing is caring. Vol’jin is no exception from this.

 **Baine:** He really, really likes the affection. Being the High Cheftain of the Tauren is quite a lonely job and doesn’t give much space for some personal life. Love is as much a surprise as much as it’s welcomed.

 **Sylvanas:** Nowadays she is more used to be feared (and in the Warchief‘s case being yelled at). However some time ago she would feel pretty flattered. And think of the lover as of a naive idiot.

 **Lor'themar:** He pretends he ain’t got a clue. But he doesn’t really care, he has a bunch of whiners to take care of and for some feelings is no time nor place. 

**Gallywix:** He takes it as a matter of course. He thinks everybody loves him. On the other hand his level of empathy is kind of…low.

 **Ji:** He is going to freak out. Maybe he tries to hide it, but he freaks out. Because he has no idea what to do. It is going to be awkward for a week or two until he realizes (or maybe somebody tells him) that maybe he and the significant other should talk about it.


	17. The Mirror of Erised

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What would they see in it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This list was requested by Tumblr user _madmadameem_.

**Varian:** He sees himself with Anduin (now adult) and Anduin’s wife (who oddly resembles Tess Greymane) with bunch of children and- Yeah, let’s just agree he wants to have a big family.

 **The Council of Three Hammers:** Muradin sees himself with his brothers at home in Ironforge. Moira herself, her son together with her husband in the Blackrock Mountain (aka home). Falstad sees himself alongside Kurdan leading a gryphon army together against… Against whatever is opposing them.

 **Tyrande:** Herself being the most successful. Highpriestess of Elune, the one uniting all the elves of Azeroth, the one who brought back all the power and glory of her people. 

 **Mekkatorque:** If he knew what a space station is, he would say he sees himself on a space station. So now he describes it as  _“Silvery place in space full of computers and neat gear. And stars everywhere.”_

 **Velen:**  He sees himself together with Kil’jaeden and Archimonde and every single other Draenei back on Argus.

 **Genn:** He sees himself kicking undead asses. Seriously, liberation of Gilneas, punching Sylvanas in face…

 **Aysa:** She doesn’t see herself. She sees a gigantic pile of sweets. It seems her reflection is buried beneath it.

 **Thrall:** He sees himself and his family. Aggra, their children, Draka, Durotan, Orgrimm, Grom… Oh and there is a place for Garrosh (quite younger than now, but still Garrosh) too.

 **Vol'jin:**  A lot and a lot of dead bodies, skulls, weapons, and fire. You know, typical bloodshed in battle in which he was victorious.

> **Thrall:**  So, what do you see there?
> 
> **Vol’jin:** Uh… Me, wearin’ some really good pair o’ boots. I’ve never had any good boots. Dat be what I’ve always dreamed of.
> 
> **Thrall:**  You certainly are a man of surprises, Vol’jin.
> 
> **Vol’jin:**  Yeah… Sure… Let’s not bother wit dat silly piece o’ glass anymore.

**Baine:**  He sees himself in the gentle arms of Mother Earth. No, wait, whole Azeroth in her arms as peace spreads thorough the world.

 **Sylvanas:** Herself as the Dark Empress of Azeroth. Why only is she wearing that black spiky armour and… Hey, isn’t that Frostmourne?

 **Lor'themar:**  It looks like a completely deserted island to him. No people around. Nothing to worry about. It’s… It’s so  _perfect!_

 **Gallywix:** Himself living in the world of gold, luxury and hot chicks loving him desperately. 

 **Ji:** Himself. That’s all. Just himself. And he doesn’t really get why are people so amazed by it.


	18. Their secret Crush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This list was requested anonymously

**Varian:** …C’mon, we all’ve seen Jaina Proudmoore. What is that with that girl, is she some royalty-magnet?

 **The Council of Three Hammers:** While Moira is still mourning her husband and is so not over him that she can’t find a crush for herself, Falstad and Muradin are fighting over Stormcaller Mylra.

 **Tyrande:** Her childhood friend Shandris Feathermoon. It was not a phase and it still is a thing. Shandris is great.

 **Mekkatorque:** Gelbin is a Gnome, so if you give him decision  _pick a better one from two_ , you’ll end up with something like Gnomish army knife. Now, how to put Belbi Quikswitch and Jinky Twizzlefixxit in a way that wouldn’t look terrible?

 **Velen:**  There might and might not be a different reason for Scryers to be allowed in the Shattrath, and this reason is called Voren'thal. To be fair with our Prophet, at first he thought the Seer is a fabulous lady. Now we don’t mention Voren'thal as long as we can.

 **Genn:** No shame, it’s Jaina Proudmoore (In case you still wonder, she probably is…)

 **Aysa:** Ji. You tell him, Aysa kills you. It’s that simple.

 **Thrall:** Despite popular belief it’s _not_ Jaina. Some time ago Agrra learned, that her husband is fond of Garona Halforcen. After she met her, her comment on Thrall’s crush was: “I can’t really blame you…”

 **Vol'jin:**  It’s Thrall. On the other hand, a lot of the Trolls don’t find it much a secret…

 **Baine:**  He doesn’t have one. He just…doesn’t. Somehow. Not a secret one, not a not-secret one. He just doesn’t have any. That’s it. He probably hasn’t met the right person yet.

 **Sylvanas:** If you say  _secret_ crush, she has a lowkey one on Nathanos “Blightcaller” Marris. She is just fond of him. The not secret crush is… Lord Regent Majestic Booty

> **Sylvanas:**  I know it is believed that all sin’dorei (or quel’dorei) are not straight. It is, in fact, true. You just have to accept the fact, that the most beautiful women of Azeroth are males of the Blood Elf brethren.

**Lor'themar:** He is believed to have affection for a lot of ladies. It is not true, he has it only for two person in the whole world. While about his former superior Ranged-general it’s known, nobody has the slightest idea the second woman of his heart is Highpriestess Ishanah.

> **Lo’themar:**  Also my name is not Lord Regent Majestic Booty. If I am referred by this mocking title one more time, it’s the last time this wanna-be comedian had done.

**Gallywix:** Mida. Yes, exactly her. That tall lass in the Goblin Slums. Aka Her Tallness. That one, who thinks the Trade Prince doesn’t even worth to be spat on. Love is hard.

 **Ji:**  He had a lot of feelings for Sun Tenderheat. He is still not over…all of that. If you have a shoulder he could cry on, you can help him a lot.


	19. Fancy party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How would they behave at a fancy/important party?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This list was requested by Tumblr user _madmadameem_

**Varian:** Yes, he is used to fancy parties. As a king (and former prince) he had no chance to avoid it. He actually has a lot of fun there, talking to people, having a dance or two (or ten or twenty) and manages to make good relationships with everybody. Varian is quite a people-person and likes company.

 **The Council of Three Hammers:** Everything is going to be fine as long as it is dwarven party. Dwarven party is a feast which turns into a fight (more or less friendly fight) a keg per ten dwarves later. Nobody ever wanted it the other way. However, turning any party into a fight is a habit hard to beak and… Yeah.

 **Tyrande:** She acts very classy. Then it tuns into party hard when she gets, like, really super drunk. Although, it doesn’t last for long because she gets drunk easily, and when she gets, she falls asleep after another shot…

 **Mekkatorque:** To be fair with him, he is probably there only because a) the party happens to be at the place he was all the time or b) somebody took him in arms and put him there to “socialize”. Either way, he is sitting grumpily in the corner, ignores everybody and minds his own business. He most likely doesn’t even know there is some party.

 **Velen:**  If confusion had name, it would be probably Velen in this specific case. He doesn’t get the music, the people and… Is it a feast? Is it a ball? What is this? Why am I here? What am I supposed to do? Can I go home? Ok, but can I sit over there with the High Tinker and some book? … You’re mean to the old man.

 **Genn:** Just like Varian, he had been to many parties and most likely he will be to many more. Unlike the King of Stormwind, the King of Gilneas is not a people-person, hates to be surrounded by snobbish nobility and let’s just say he has a really good fake smile.

 **Aysa:** She just chooses some cool person and more or less imitates her. That way she is going to blend in and with some luck she won’t do something embarrassing.

 **Thrall:** He knows how to act at parties, even for various races. He had read a lots of books, you know? And also he has plenty of experiences. On the other hand, he kind of suffers social anxiety. If there is any chance for him to get out of there earlier, he will be gone before you can say “Have you seen this Orc?”

 **Vol'jin:**  Excuses himself at the very beginning that he isn’t feeling well and leaves somewhere else. Later is blamed for missing staff, because he had been found with them in the kitchen, where they threw a less fancy and less formal party, which included a lot of philosophy. Troll philosophy often ends up with either sex, fight or in the best case both.

 **Baine:**  He is so kind to everyone, he befriends literally everybody. Also if there is any fight going to stat, he is the one who stops it. Seriously, have you ever seen Baine cracking his knuckles and asking: _“Would you mind being_ a little _less noisy?”_ Works any time.

 **Sylvanas:** Threatens all people, who tries to flirt with her [read: nearly everybody], with death. Nobody takes it seriously… until cops have to be called.

 **Lor'themar:**  Is the one with the perfect suit, perfect manners and remains sober even after what seems like two bottles of wine.

 **Gallywix:** Is the extravagant one who swims in the pool fully clothed and flirts with all the girls.. It wouldn’t be that bad if he actually had some charm.

 **Ji:** We all have been given the advice Just Be Yourself. Ji is the only person who car actually roll with that. He can go from zero to Party star in less than a minute and it’s not even weird.


	20. Who would they bring back from death?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No necromancy, an actual resurrection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This list was requested anonymously

**Varian:** Tiffin. His loved wife. Does this need any other explanation.

 **The Council of Three Hammers:** In case Magni counts as dead, the would bring back Magni and then go home and never talk to each other. In case being tuned into a piece of diamond doesn’t s count as dead… Fine, let it be Dagran Thaurissian, so Moira would stop crying in the night.

 **Tyrande:** Dejahna. She misses her mentor a lot.

> **Tyrande:** Listen, the fact YOU don’t know her doesn’t mean she ain’t real.

**Mekkatorque:** The 80 % of the past Gnome population which died in the radiaton. Don’t make him choose just one. Don’t. You can’t say no to that eyes.

 **Velen:**  Uther Lightbringer. Because Light. World like this needs more Light.

 **Genn:** Terenas Menethill. If only for the reason to apologize he didn’t help hip that one time. ****

 **Aysa:** Nobody. For reasons she had thought about

> **Aysa:**  We should let the dead rest and not call them into the times they know not.
> 
> **Aysa:** That, and also Mr. Lightbringer is already taken.

**Thrall:** Orgrim Doomhammer. Because his wisdom in this times would be priceless. And also he misses him. And he isn’t that bloodthirsty as Grom and- Yeah, we know how it ended, right?

 **Vol'jin:**  Zalazane. And this time he would keep an eye on his friend, so it wouldn’t go awry.

> **Vol’jin:** I thought I’d say Sen’jin but… Truth be told I feel kind o’ guilty ‘bout Zalazane. Kind o’ lot.

**Baine:**  Cairne Bloodhoof. Aka his father.

 **Sylvanas:** Arthas Menethill. Because she wants to punch him in the face. With a knife. Twenty times.

> **Sylvanas:**  I’d say Kel’thuzad, but he keeps resurrecting into his undead form, because his phylactery hadn’t been destroyed.

**Lor'themar:**  Anasterian Sunstrider. Kael’thas’ father, the former king. For Lor’themar it means, that somebody else is going to take care of the bunch of whiners.

 **Gallywix:** Gazlowe

> **Gazlowe:** Wait wait wait. I ain’t dead.
> 
> **Gazlowe:**  What’s this tickin’ noise?
> 
> _**KA-BOOOOM!** _
> 
> **Gallywix:**   _(Grins)_  So, as I said, I’d like to bring back Gazlowe.

**Ji:** Nobody…for now.

> **Ji:**  I’m saving it for later when we’re  _really_ going to need it.
> 
> **Aysa:**  That… That is surprisingly thoughtful of you.
> 
> **Ji:** Huojin philosophy says that our instincts are right and we should not overthink things. As you may see, it doesn’t say we are dumb as a log.
> 
> **Ji:** Not all of my instincts are to punch things. Especially since the time I punched Baine…


	21. What would they wish from Great-father Winter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This list was requested anonymously

**Varian:** A new chessboard set. The pieces always keep on breaking or being lost…

 **The Council of Three Hammers:** How To Turn Diamond Back To A Living Person formula.

 **Tyrande:** A new dress, warmer one. This one are very nice but during some important travels (like Winterspring and Northrend) she gets really cold.

 **Mekkatorque:** Some stronger steel wire. He just needs one that is stronger but as thin as the last one so he could finish- yes that thing with the radiation sign on it.

 **Velen:**  Arcane Arts of Shielding Magic for Advanced, the Illustrated Edition. What a bookworm.

 **Genn:** He wishes for a new crossbow. The old one is still in Gilneas and Elves are more of a bowmen. Yeah, a new crossbow. And a good one.

 **Aysa:** A complete calligraphy set.Yes, she already has three, but it is always good to have one spare.

 **Thrall:** A bigger bed. The children insist on sleeping in one bed with parents and he is afraid he is going to squeeze the life out of them.

 **Vol'jin:**  A tea set. He misses Pandaren way of preparing tea (and the tea itself) since he returned from Pandaria.

 **Baine:**  He has been looking for a cloak that would fit him properly for years. So a fitting cloak is the answer.

 **Sylvanas:** World dom- Okay, okay. Eh… A soft velvet pillow on her throne?

 **Lor'themar:**  A big fluffy teddy bear. Our majestic Lord Regent has some had times finding the proper therapeut fo himself.

 **Gallywix:** A bag of infinite money. We all expected it but he still wants it. Or maybe even better - let’s have two!

 **Ji:** He wants a kitten that would love him and purr on his chest while he pets it.


	22. What kind of drunk they are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This list was requested by Tumblr user madmadameem.

**Varian:** The Not Drunk Drunk. Yes, he wants one more shot. No, he isn’t drunk, he knows the line. He is fine. Absolutely. Absoluteeeeellyyy fiiiiinee.

**The Council of Three Hammers:**

> **Muradin:** The Huggy Drunk. Group hugs for everyone.
> 
> **Moira:**  The Fighting Drunk. She punches you, she punches him, she punches herself in the face. She is gonna fight a bee, she doesn’t care.
> 
> **Falstad:** The Story Telling Drunk. With each pint there are more undeads, more Trolls, more gryphons, bigger axes.

**Tyrande:** The Heavy Sleeping Drunk. Seriously, a few glasses of wine are enough for her to fall under the table and have a nice sleep ‘till the new day.

 **Mekkatorque:** The Inspirated Drunk. surprisingly enough, the ideas he gets he realizes later… And they aren’t that bad ideas. The most remarkable idea he shouted out alound under the influence of Brewfest was: “A tunnel! With choo-choos! From ‘ere to da Stormwind!”

 **Velen:**  The Crying Drunk. He has a lot of bad memories that have to get out in some way. Try your hardest, he won’t tell you what’s wrong anyway.

 **Genn:** The Remembering Drunk. when he was young, the wine tasted better. The brew was stronger. The other drinkers weren’t such a whiny pussies. And  _none_  of them had horns.

 **Aysa:** The Cheery Drunk. She is always so joyful and now especially. She is just so happy!

 **Thrall:** The Not Drunk. He got really super drunk only once when there was celebration of founding the Orgrimmar. He woke up next morning laying to Vol’jin and Baine, had no idea what happened last night, his head hurt like two thousands years spent in hell, his throat was sore. However, it was Vol’jin’s comment “Kissin’ ain’t that bad stuff, just da tusks be impractical” what made Thrall choose the life of an abstinent. Since then, Thrall and alcohol don’t mix.

 **Vol'jin:**  The All-Seeing Drunk. Look, drinking and drugs are a way you get a… It gets you into a completely different state of mind. A lot of witchdoctors, shamans and shadowhunters drugs/drinks themselves into some connection with Loas. If you’re lucky, you just start saying weird things nobody understands. If you are less lucky, you might get possessed. Good thing Trolls have a strong stamina for drinking (and the ones who mess with spirits know the danger and are damn careful).

 **Baine:**  The Singing Drunk. It starts with any songs he remembers, goes to yodelling and ends with long mooooooooooo’s.

 **Sylvanas:** The Undressing Drunk. She is just hot, so she is putting the clothes down, that’s all! She certainly doesn’t mean anything by that. You’d be surprised to learn that although she seems to wear only a little, she has a lot of layers of clothing.

 **Lor'themar:**  The Silent Drunk. Yes, he drinks in complete silence with the goal of gaining sweet sweet unconsciousness. He knows where his line is and he goes over it every damn time. Don’t disturb him.

 **Gallywix:** The Flirting Drunk. Also the one who dances a lot and is very surprised when somebody hits him in the face just to make him stop from doing both.

 **Ji:** The Sharing Drunk. He has a lot about himself he wants somebody to know because all the secrets are heavy. But some secrets should be kept secret anyway, so it might get awkward.


	23. How it is in the bed with them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This list has direct sexual references, so maybe younger readers and people not comfortable with this kind of thing might want to skip it. Just a heads up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This list was requested by Tumblr user madmadameem

**Varian:** He is still in that phase where you try out everything just to know whether you like it or not. One day he is going to realize he is not actually into anything special and he will be grumpy about that a lot. But as Tiffin once told him: “Listen, Vari, you can roll with anything. If you weren’t a king, you’d be a pretty damn good whore.” Alright, the queen wasn’t sober at that time but she still said it.

**The Council of Three Hammers:**

  * **Moira:** She doesn’t seem to wear much layers of clothing but you’d be surprised to learn she wars more than it seems. That girl is always ready for her loved strip-tease. Or maybe she is just really cold and hasn’t winter clothing. She’s been single since… Well since Dagran. **  
**
  * **Muradin:** Ever since he returned from the Nothrend he has a huge thing for extreme temperatures. So it’s either sauna-sex or risking frostbites somewhere tender with him. **  
**
  * **Falstad:** Prefers to be in open places. Tower tops. Mountain peaks. Trees. He keeps saying he wants to have sex with someone while flying but the only person willing to help him so far was Mekkatorque and Falstad declined the offer as politely as he could (because Falstad isn’t into guys). **  
**



**Tyrande:** First rule: You wanna sleep with Tyrande? Catch her. Second rule: In water. Bath tub, pond, rive, hot springs, she doesn’t care. It doesn’t worth the effort as long as it is not in water. It goes pretty well with Malfurion’s desire to be in nature and far away from people too. Only winter is kind of problematic season…

 **Mekkatorque:** You guess sex toys, right? Yeah, you know him well. But maybe you want him to use the already tested ones. Just saying. On the contrary he also has a thing for cuffing and chains in general.

 **Velen:**  And here we have the romantic one. Candles, cushions, kissing and petting and cuddling in the dead of night. It requires a lot of patience to get into some action but it’s worth every minute because Velen is (thanks to his age) experienced and skilled.

 **Genn:** …Let’s just say it brings out the inner beast in him. At that beast is rough and bloodthirsty. If he bites you too much just forget he is a king and just slap his face.

 **Aysa:** Maybe you remember it had been told some time ago that Aysa pretends she is not ticklish (and that it’s very cute). She loves to be tickled before it comes to the actual… “sleeping”.

 **Thrall:** Given how hard is to actually convince him to take some clothes off it’s almost a miracle he has children. How to put it in a simple way… Nowadays there aren’t many things in Thrall’s life which are affected by his childhood spent in Durholde. However, sex is one of them. It’s nothing a lot of sweet talk and kisses couldn’t fix… in time. At least Aggra thinks so.

 **Vol'jin:**  Most important thing to note here that all trolls check (and more than one time) tat the sex is consent. As a matter of good manners it’s going to be rough and most likely semi-public. On the other hand the cuddles are just a Vol’jin’s thing. Be cuddled to death.

 **Baine:**  He is loud. That’s all, just really loud. Maybe you wanna go to some place far far away from Mulgore and probably find some underground cave but you bet still the whole thunder Bluff (and probably even the whole Barrens) will know.

 **Sylvanas:** Years and years ago when she was still alive she loved her sex like she loved her party: Group of people, alcohol, good food, ton of jokes. Add some ropes and you’d have it. Unfortunately, undead don’t have bodies suitable for having sex, it just doesn’t really work. ****

 **Lor'themar:**  You’d think Lor’themar is the closet wild animal with a lot of kinks. You couldn’t be more wrong. He prefers it in the dark, complete silence and with as little touching as possible. And if you touch his hair he might end up fucking a corpse.

 **Gallywix:** Surprisingly there are people who have actually slept with him and they all claim that he is good. He loves to have their partner to wear a lot of trinkets as much as he loves to be praised.

 **Ji:** Here we have a guy with some serious foot fetish who is really into sweet talk as well.Maybe and maybe not he is also a feedie (maybe and maybe not he just loves to eat).


	24. The Top 5 characters to become the main villain after the Legion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This dates back to the start of the Legion expansion. It didn't hit the bull's eye, but haven't home far from home either, eh?

**5\. Sylvanas Windrunner -** Garrosh is a proof that racial leaders can turn their backs on players. Okay, some people never recognized Garrosh as the orc racial leader (or, when we talk about it, as the Warchief) and rolled with Thrall. But think about Sylvanas. She wants evenge. On the Undead, on the living, on everyone. She is basically spreading the Plague now. That sounds familiar, where have we heard that… Oh yeah, the Lich King! So all bow to your Lich Queen? 

 **4\. Wrathion -** It’s going to sound racists (and it quite is) but I don’t trust black dragons. And I don’t trust Wrathion. It is nice to have him as the Rogue figure (as I’m playing Rogue as my main) but something about him is… Well… I just don’t trust him, okay? 

 **3\. The Lich King -** Again. I kinda miss the whole “Lich King is the ultimate boss of Warcraft” thing. And I have so many thoughts about the Lich King that I’d like to have more material to work with.

 **2\. Murozond (Nozdormu) -** We know this will happen, we’ve seen it happen. Why not in the next datadisk?

 **1\. Jaina Proudmoore -** All I am saying is that she is going crazy. Not like the life is making it easier for her. I mean all that thing with Arthas was pretty harsh on her and then Garrosh raided Theramore, then the Cataclysm, don’t forget her father is dead… In my opinion what’s most likely going to happen is that Jaina just snaps one day, finds Kel’thuzad and yells at him something like “Bring me my Arthas back” which is a nice compromise between this and no. 3.


	25. If they lived on Earth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mash of various "modern!AU" tropes.

**Varian:** Would be the popular teacher at your school who can motivate you thorough PE, Math and in fact thorough the whole school year so you actually are happy to go to school when you have a lesson with him that day.

 **The Council of Three Hammers:** They would start a talk-show which would be very popular for being sarcastic, firing all the shots, being funny yet talking about important topics.

 **Tyrande:** She’d be a famous model who’d be also a fanatic Christian. but that kind of fanatic Christian who says: “It’s about love and help and the book is out-dated!”

 **Mekkatorque:** Would be the one who’d come with the whole oncology thing. He’d start it and he’d cure millions of people.

 **Velen:**  Would be crazy Star Wars fan but nobody would ever know. And he would run your local library and be that kind old man who gives you support after break up and offers you shelter when you can’t go home because parents are jerks to you.

 **Genn:** Would be an actor and he’d play in Game of Thrones. He would be one of the characters that are still alive and he would hate his job because he doesn’t like fans.

 **Aysa:** Would be the crazy cosplayer making chubby and amazing cosplays of everything.

 **Thrall:** Would be the one playing World of Warcraft because Thrall is a special meta snowflake.

 **Vol'jin:** Would run a tea shop and a book store in one building. Rumor goes he is local mafia godfather but it nothing confirmed so far. 

 **Baine:** Would write popular self-help books. Which actually help people to be better and happy with themselves. 

 **Sylvanas:** Would speak fluent Latin. Partly because it’s the language of science but mostly because it’s a  _dead_  language.

 **Lor'themar:**  Would be in the Nightiwish band. He has the hair and I’m sure he is a good singer.

 **Gallywix:** Would be a stylist. Hair, clothes he does it all. 

 **Ji:** Would be the one cheerful guy working in local fast food who always gives you a little bit bigger portion than the standard is and then smirks.


	26. Race-switch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What race would the leaders switch to if they could?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This list was requested anonymously

**Varian:** Dwarf. Probably Wildhammer Clan, but eh, details…

> **Muradin:**  So, dwarven drinkin’ buddies?
> 
> **Varian:**  …Aren’t you switching race as well?

**The Council of Three Hammers:** Except from Falstad, they all agreed on Orcs. Flastad said Dragon.

> **Moira:**  C’mon, that’s stupid. It’s not even a player race (whatever that means).
> 
> **Falstad:** Dey’re sentient. Dey have a humanoid form. Dey can fly. Repeat to meh dat it’s stupid, Moira, I dare ye.

**Tyrande:**  Troll.

> **Vol’jin:** May I know why?
> 
> **Tyrande:** Two things - I am no giving up on my pointy ears but there is no way I’m willing to be a Blood Elf.
> 
> **Tyrande:**  Second, Dark Trolls are a thing.

**Mekkatorque:** Pandaren. Although he though about the Goblins as well.

> **Mekkatorque:** But then I thought, hey, ‘Torque, that’s your only chance in lifetime to become a gigantic fluffy bouncy ball!

**Velen:**  Nigh Elf. He thinks they are very noble and honorable.

> **Velen:**  Actually, I just want to remain purplish-blue skinned. But you may think whatever you want.

**Genn:** Take a guess.

> **Tess:**  I don’t think that-
> 
> **Genn:**  I’ve decided!
> 
> **Crowley:**  But don’t you think that it’s kinda chea-
> 
> **Genn:**  I SAID HUMAN AND SO BE IT!

**Aysa:** She is not really sure. Maybe the Undead?

> **Ji:** Undead?
> 
> **Aysa:**  Look, they don’t need to eat, sleep and drink, and the worst already happened to them.
> 
> **Ji:** Have you actually  _seen_  any Undead?

**Thrall:** Draenei. Majestic migh-

> **Thrall:**  whoever is writing this, they must stop adding the explanation bullshit (Sorry Baine). I just thing we Orcs kind of… Owe them.
> 
> **Gallywix:** What about Draenei just went and slaughtered, like, 80% of Orc population. That would make you even, wouldn’t it?
> 
> **Velen:**  I don’t like that idea.

**Vol'jin:**  Gnome. Teeny tiny Gnome!

> **Vol’jin:** Bye, bye, shelves. Hello gigantic blasters, nice to meet you shoes, pleasure to see you fitting chairs.
> 
> **Mekkatorque:**  Careful about the fitting chairs there, man.

**Baine:**  If he really had to, he’d be a Goblin.

> **Varian:**  Considering all what the do to (looks at a smudged writing on hand) Father Edd?
> 
> **Baine:**  I’d be a living proo you may be a Goblin and not harm the nature.
> 
> **Baine:**  And it’s Mothe Earth.

**Sylvanas:** Blood Elf.

> **Genn:**  I am almost sure it doesn’t count in this case, Sylvanas.
> 
> **Sylvanas:**  You said Human…
> 
> **Crowley:**  She has a point, you know.
> 
> **Genn:**  Since when do I care what do  _you_  think?

**Lor'themar:**  Lord Regent Lor’themar Theron, the Angry Worgen

> **Lor’themar** : It seems like a good excuse why to growl at people angrily.
> 
> **Thrall:**  (facepalms) Alright, we get it, you don’t like people and elves in general. May we move on?

**Gallywix:** Hmm… A Gillblin.

> **Tyrande:** You’d be a… Water-goblin?
> 
> **Gallywix:**  Yep.
> 
> **Aysa:** Seriously? You let him?
> 
> **Tyrande:**  Look, somebody is going to shoot him sooner a later. Now we just may use a harpoon as well, that’s all.

**Ji:** Tauren!

> **Ji:** The tallest and biggest of ‘em all!

> **Baine:** Trolls are actually taller, you know.
> 
> **Ji:**  Yeah, but they’re either women or hunched.


	27. The shapeshifters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If they could turn to an animal, what animal would it be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This list was requested anonymously

**Varian:** A lion! Because lions are Varian’s thing. In case you haven’t noticed so far.

 **The Council of Three Hammers:** Each of them wants to be a big fluffy dog. On the other hand, who doesn’t want to be a big fluffy dog?

 **Tyrande:** A sabertooth tiger. She doesn’t want to be a big fluffy dog.

 **Mekkatorque:** A chicken! Chickens sound cute!

 **Velen:**  A bear. So he could, you know, hibernate.

 **Genn:** He would still go for a wolf, even today. Wolves are strong and also pack animals. He likes that.

 **Aysa:** She is a somebody who would say something like a dugong because it’s basically a functional mermaid.

 **Thrall:** Orca. Because  _orc_ a. Thrall is closet pun-man.

 **Vol'jin:**  Let’s say crow. Oh wait… We’ve forgotten this guy has the shadow-shapeshifting skills… And by that we know that wyverns are more of a Vol’jin’s thing.

 **Baine:**  A blackbird. Pros: flying, singing. Cons: ??? There are none?

 **Sylvanas:** An eagle. Pros: Flying, hunting EVERYTHING (yes, even blackbirds). Cons: ??? There are none?

 **Lor'themar:**  Some kind of a gigantic snake. Maybe then people would  _finally_  leave him alone.

 **Gallywix:** A roach. They can survive everything.

 **Ji:** C’mon, it’s Ji we are talking about. We all know he is going to say a dragon. Seriously, why did nobody else say this?


	28. What were they like as kids?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This list was requested anonymously

**Varian:** The Very Friendly Kid. “Hi, I’m Varian, my dad is a King, do you want to play with my crayons?”

**The Council of Three Hammers:  
**

> **Muradin:** The Grumpy Kid. He was just average at everything while his brothers were remarkably good or remarkably bad at things, so people often didn’t even notice him! **  
> Moira:**  The Nurse Kid. Helping wounded animals and other kids that were harmed and also yelling your ass off if you dared to punch somebody.  
>  **Falstad:**  Nobody actually knows. He was never around as a kid. He was always outside, alone and probably hunting or befriending the wild.

**Tyrande:** The Adventurous Kid. Always out in the nature having fun with things and friends.

 **Mekkatorque:** The Nerd Kid. Sometimes also The Kid Who Blew Up All Of This And Yes This Crater Used To Be Our Home Why Are You Asking.

 **Velen:** The Patient Kid. He always was last in the line for anything but he didn’t mind because he was staying there all the time until he got what he wanted. Often people gave him whatever he wanted just for him to go away. ****

**Genn:** The Furious Kid. He always started the fights and the only way to keep him sort of busy was to make him attend to as many fencing lessons as possible and exhaust him.

 **Aysa:**  The Reckless Kid. You are not born Tuishin, you have to learn that. And she have learned to think before acting the hard way. The very, very hard way.

 **Thrall:** The “What Does It To Be A Kid?” Kid. Have you read The Lord Of Clans book? No? Well, you should fix that. You will understand what kind of kid Thrall was.

 **Vol'jin:** The Prankster Kid. Rather than training for being a shadowhunter he was going around doing… things. Like stealing Gaidrin’s jar of eyeballs. ****

**Baine:** The Always Deep In A Problem Kid. He had been kidnapped ten times before he had his twelfth birthday. So just you know. 

 **Sylvanas:** The Better At Everything Than You And Very Loud About It Kid. She was an annoying show off and even worse, a  _talented_  show off.

 **Lor'themar:** The Annoyed Kid. Also known as the one who once got into a fight with Sylvanas (who wanted to start a fight to prove how badass she is), beated her to the ground and left without a word. 

 **Gallywix:** The Bully Kid. There always has to be one. That’s how he got fat by the way, he always ate everyone's’ lunch.

 **Ji:** The “How Does This Work?” Kid. He had so many questions. Where do babies come from? And where do they go? Why only girls have long tail? I I shave my fur, would it grow back? May I punch this? Why is Aysa running into the wall for the sixth time in a row?


	29. What would they say to their younger selves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This list was requested anonymously

**Varian:** “Look, your dad is sort of right about this whole fighting thing. You don’t really want to do it. Trust me.”

**The Council of Three Hammers:  
**

> **Muradin:**  “I know how much ye love yer brothers so… Uh. Look,  _Brann_  is gonna be fine.” **  
> Moira:**  “No matter what you dad tells you, it’s ye and only ye who knows who yer love is, you understand that?”  
>  **Falstad:**  “Red shirts - good signs. Remember that.”

**Tyrande:** “He will wake up eventually and that cat paws are quite cute once you get used to them.”

 **Mekkatorque:** “All you need to know is, that it’s not such a good idea as you think it is. Except the Deeprun Tram. But the rest is one big nope.” 

 **Velen:** “If you think that living beside Orcs is crazy just wait until you steal a ship.”

 **Genn:** “Mark this day in your calendar and make sure Liam is in Stormwind when it comes.”

 **Aysa:**  “No it really doesn’t mean you are able to train clouds to sing.”

 **Thrall:** “It’s gonna be fine. I promise it’s gonna be fine.”

 **Vol'jin:** “Just keep an eye on Zalazane, ‘kay? Dat mon needs some mental support. Loads o’ it.”

 **Baine:** “Grimtotem are bad news. Leave them be. They don’t worth the chance dad is offering them.”

 **Sylvanas:** “The plague tincture is cleaned most effectively by apple vintage with salt. You’re gonna thank me one day for this.”

 **Lor'themar:** “Pickles. Pickles help. And also drink a lot. …I meant water!”

 **Gallywix:** “Dude, you are amazing, priceless and beautiful and worth of everything. Don’t let people tell you otherwise.”

 **Ji:** “You there, cool guy. Highfive!”


	30. Surprise birthday party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How would they react to it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This list was requested by Tumblr user vixvizus

**Varian:** “What the hell is going on here?”  _(Anduin explains)_  “Well… But maybe ask me the next time?”

 **The Council of Three Hammers:** Dwarves are always ready to party. It is a part of being a dwarf, you know. So…  _(Joins the party and turns it into a fight!)_

 **Tyrande:** (Surprised elven sounds) “C’mon, after all that years? That’s so sweet of you all!”

 **Mekkatorque:** _(Walks thorough the room without noticing the party) (Somebody takes ‘Torque’s glasses off)_  “Oh golly, where did all those people come from? And why do you have the cake?”

 **Velen:** “What in the name of the Naaru does it mean I can’t spend my birthday in the library?”

 **Genn:** “Wow… What a surprise! I didn’t expect it at all!”

 **Aysa:** “Wow… What a surprise! I didn’t expect it at all!”  _(She knew all along)_  

**Thrall:** _(Tears of joy)_

**Vol'jin:** “We are celebrating that I am one year closer to death?”  _(Silence)_  “Yay!”

 **Baine:** “You really got me here. I thought you all had forgotten.”

 **Sylvanas:** “I thought we agreed on not celebrating my birthday.” _(Pause)_  “And there is no such a thing as a deathday.”

 **Lor'themar:** _(Walks in)_  “I don’t care what this is. It will be gone from my office in five minutes.”  _(Walks out)_

 **Gallywix:** _(Was actually rambling how he loves surprise parties for the last three weeks)_  “Oh may, you didn’t really have to. But you could use some better decorations, and you call that a cake?”

 **Ji:** _(Looks around confusedly)_ “That’s… That’s for me? Whose idea was it? Thank you all so much!”


	31. The annoying things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The whole request is: “ The thing they do that annoys whoever is closest to them (second in command, family member, etc.), but they don’t know they do it. “

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This list was requested anonymously

**Varian:**  He picks up the most rattling armor he finds and whenever he moves, he is a human tambourine. (SI:7 facepalms.)

 **The Council of Three Hammers:** Considering their closest are actually each other… The answer is  _Exists_.And their co-existnece [read: constant arguments] drives nuts the whole Ironforge. **  
**

 **Tyrande:** Snores. Yes, the gracious elves snore too. Malfurion can’t sleep next to her unless he falls asleep first. ****

 **Mekkatorque:** He is always doing something with his fingers. Tapping the mug. Or table. Drawing small circles on things. Arrrrgh!

 **Velen:** He whistles often. Have you ever heard a Draenei whistle? It’s more like a wasp-buzz. Supper annoying. ****

 **Genn:** Tyrande feels like punching him in face (despite her kind and calm nature) whenever he growls. It’s often, but she is bloody patient with him.

 **Aysa:** She keeps on playing with her hair. It makes people nervous because they thing she is nervous, and when Aysa is nervous you all should be nervous too.but she isn’t nervous…She is just playing with her hair! ****

**Thrall:** Showing off. No, seriously, he does that. turning off and on the candles or lanterns, making the tea pour itself, earth-forcing the dust away instead of sweeping like a normal Orc… Aggra thinks it’s cute, everybody  _else_  thinks it’s just annoying.

 **Vol'jin:** Whenever he finds a word he likes, he says it as often as possible. When it’s something like  _maintenance_  it’s quite okay. It’s less okay when it’s something like  _marrow_.

 **Baine:** His pay-me-some-attention cough. Because Baine’s cough can (and does so on daily basis) knock glasses off of the table. ****

 **Sylvanas:** When she counts or does anything math-related, she moves her lips and does that too-loud-too-be-silent-but-too-quiet-to-be-a-whisper whisper.

 **Lor'themar:** He wiggles eyebrows when he speaks while he is angry. It is sort of funny too, but watching his eyebrow acrobatic for longer than two minutes is just too much to handle.

 **Gallywix:** Talks. And breathes. Seriously, Jastor Galliwix being himself (or even anybody else) irritates everybody to their max.

 **Ji:** Pushes his mug on the table. to the edge, then to the center, then onto the map. Then he pokes it and it hits someone’s elbow… Get a job, man! 


	32. Videogames of their choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If they were gamers, what games would they play?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This list was requested by Tumblr user madmadameem

**Varian:** Classic MMORPGs. Neverwinter, SWTOR, Aion, and Guild Wars 2. And that is just the beginning.

**The Council of Three Hammers:  
**

> **Muradin:**  Older RPGs, as Diablo and Baldur’s Gate. **  
> Moira:** Modern RPGs as Dragon Age, Skyrim, and Diablo 3.   
>  **Falstad:** MOBAs, his favorite being Smite. Because there are not that many people in it. 

**Tyrande:** Survival games, such as Day-Z. She wouldn’t be good, because she is not a fighter, but she has a lot of creative ideas how to survive. ****

 **Mekkatorque:** Race car games. But his favorite would be forever Mario Kart.

 **Velen:** Creative sandboxes. I can imagine him playing Minecraft. And Terraria. Bonus: He plays Dungeon Keeper, because somebody has to care for the “evil” ones too.

 **Genn:** He’d find out there is a thing as PC version of chess and you’d never get him to play anything else. ****

 **Aysa:** Mobile apps like Candy Crush. She’d be very good at it, tho. On the other hand she enjoys classical puzzle games too. Have you played Machinarium? Or Monument Valley? ****

**Thrall:** It [had been stated before ](http://wowheadquarters.tumblr.com/post/143312317612/if-they-lived-on-the-planet-earth)that Thrall is a special meta snowflake and he would play World of Warcraft.

 **Vol'jin:** A “sneaky-sneaky” RPGs. such as Assassin’s Creed or Dishonored.

 **Baine:** Solitaire. Let’s face it - Baine doesn’t play games. This is the most gamer he will ever be. ****

 **Sylvanas:** The Sims, Animal Crossing and so on. She says it’s because of the control she has. In fact she just wants to make the people there happy.

 **Lor'themar:** Something old and hardcore. Probably Wizardry, he would like the first 3 games the best.

 **Gallywix:** Pokémon! Gotta catch ‘em all!

 **Ji:** Real time strategies. StarCraft, Age of Empires, Homeworld, Warhammer 40K. And guess who rocks them all? That’s right, Ji.

 **+Bonus** **Kel’thuzad:**  Neko Atsume. Because cats.


	33. The leaders as parents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This list was requested anonymously

**Varian:** Slightly overprotective father who thinks he is failing parenting hard because his duties don’t let him to be with his children often. So he would try to do a lot of fun family activities whenever possible. _Anduin experiences it from first hand._

**The Council of Three Hammers:  
**

> **Muradin:**  Has quite a problem understanding what he should and shouldn’t care about. If his children ever wander and get lost in the deep woods, he is going to shrug and say they will be fine. But dare they just _mention_  Northdend, he is going to freak out how dangerous it is. **  
> Moira:**  She wants the best for her children. Like throne of the Ironforge. Maybe, just maybe, she is too controlling of her children, but only because she wants the best for them.  _Her son Fenran will have to go thorough a lot._  
>  **Falstad:** He probably would train his children to be either shamans or warriors, depending on their skill. If you can’t handle a gryphon by age o 10, you are not his child.

**Tyrande:** You know those overprotective mothers, right? Well… Yeah. Overprotective mom Tyrande. It’s either the coolest thing ever or the worst thing ever to happen. Depends what kind of child are you.

 **Mekkatorque:**  Aside from having the best toys in the world, the children would also have the best playground. That means they would be allowed in the engineering room and engine room, and play with whatever they’d want. The best experience is by injury anyway… ****

 **Velen:** He is the father who’d always lecture you and he would press you to be the best. On the other hand there are no dad jokes or awkward situations with him. He is just super supportive.  _His son Rakeesh sometimes thought it was annoying but it is just Velen’s way how to show he cares._

 **Genn:** He is the grumpy busy dad who gets angry often for no reason in particular. But he also read his children every evening. Even when they are too old for it. _Tess now quite regrets Liam can’t listen to the bed time stories…_

 **Aysa:**  The cheerful adventurous mother. Wanna go camping? Aysa is going too. Wanna drink underage? Alright, but you do it home where momma can see you and can help you, you understand? You feeling sad because that dude dumped you? Momma kicks his ass, just you wait.

 **Thrall:** Finds out he has no idea how to handle children and while he is all supportive, he finds some babysitter. But he is very supportive. But he can’t put his own life together, so you can’t expect him to put together life of his children.  _It’s sad that Durak and Draka don’t see him as often as they all would want to…_

 **Vol'jin:**  Cares for his children, Thrall children, and any children that had mingled into the group in some way. Except he has zero idea what are kids supposed to be parented like. He teaches them what he thinks they should know - how to serve the Loas (resp. other spirits), how to throw an axe, how to eat a frog…  _Yenniku also makes for a good older brother for everyone._

 **Baine:** Look at you chill dad. It seems that his kids can’t upset him with anything. Seriously, the chillest dad around the Thunder Bluff. Also he’d rocks the piggy back rides with his children, that is for sure.

 **Sylvanas:** She’d be that cold aristocratic parent who is never actually seen by their children. She’d give them the best education, everything they would want… But she would be never around and even in the short moments she would be there, nobody would call her “mom”.

 **Lor'themar:** Quite the opposite od Sylvanas here, he would be always around keeping an eye on you. He would demand his children to train a lot. No matter what they would train, he’d make sure they’d excel at it. He’d train them personally despite his lack of free time. Lack of time is nothing some coffee (and wine) couldn’t solve.

 **Gallywix:**  The awkward lazy dad who’d never let you do anything you consider fun. The thing is he would probably force his children to labour. He has parental instincts of a cuckoo. But truth be told, once the kids would run away (let’s face it, it would totally happen), they would do great because once you can bear Gallywix, you can bear anything.

 **Ji:** He’s try his best to be the coolest father around. He’d turn out to be the most embarrassing father around instead… Without knowing it! But he would also teach his children cool stuff, such as fighting and catching turtles.


	34. The leaders' thoughts on the Heroes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What do the leaders think about those weird adventurous fellows who smash things and wear epic gear?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This list was requested anonymously.

**Varian:** “…They are good…. Well, not exactly babysitters. Anduin likes them. That’s important.”

**The Council of Three Hammers:  
**

> **Muradin:** “All I am saying is that around them more secrets are revealed within one hour than on regular base in thousand years.” **  
> Moira:** “They are either clever enough to not let us know how clever they are… Or very very dumb.”  
>  **Falstad:**  “They are particularly good finders.”

**Tyrande:**  “I think they lack respect. Someone should teach them about it.”

 **Mekkatorque:** “I think they are extremely lucky! Odds always in their favour.”

 **Velen:** “They are nice and all but… Where do they stuff all of those things? And how? I have never seen them with a purse or anything else but they keep pulling out two-hand swords out of  _literal nowhere!_ ”

 **Genn:** “How in the name of Light could those cretins survive all the things they’ve gone thorough  _and_  get so far?”

 **Aysa:** “They can learn to ride any mount there is. I wish I could do that. A horse wouldn’t carry me, not even speaking about rams… I want a ram.”

 **Thrall:**  “Well, I think they are needed. And they are kind enough to help.”

 **Vol'jin:**  “Dey be a bunch o’ troubles with legs ‘nd blades. Or spells. I can relate to dat.”

 **Baine:**  “I find them too haste and rushed.”

 **Sylvanas:** “I think they are… useful. They do not question me.”

 **Lor'themar:**  “I think they are annoying. But they are annoying somewhere else. So I don’t really mind.”

 **Gallywix:** “I actually don’t know. I haven’t seen them…”

 **Ji:** “They do all the fun stuff and adventures. Nothing is left for me, and even worse - I have to clean afterwards the mess they left behind.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are an NPC and don't know it, and you meet an Adventurer (resp. Hero), it has to be a very weird experience.


	35. Their Overwatch Main

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This list was requested by Tumblr user _madmadameem_

**Varian:** McCree. Cowboys are classy and there is nothing classier than Varian. 

> **Varian:** It’s high noon! **  
> **
> 
> **Anduin:** _(in the next room)_  No it’s not! It’s 3 AM and I am  _TRYING TO SLEEP!_

**The Council of Three Hammers:  
**

> **Muradin:** Torbjörn. It was a choice of wisdom, because he knew otherwise the High Tinker would chose him and blew up  _literally everyone_. **  
> Moira:** Zarya. Strong Russian fighters are just as badass as strong dwarven mother-queens. Here is a living proof (with buns, hun!).  
>  **Falstad:** Lúcio. Songs, wall gliding, boomsticks and cool looks. It feels like home.

**Tyrande:** Pharah. She is noble, she is grace. When she loses, she’ll grimace.

> **Tyrande:** Occasionally ‘Fury plays too as Pharah.
> 
> **Malfurion:** You may notice that in that case Pharah is more kicking asses…

**Mekkatorque:** Tracer. When some fucker [read: Muradin] takes your aggressive mine-inventor, you go for the time traveler who goes “Wheee!”.

 **Velen:** Mercy. He didn’t care about anything else than the name. The name was very important to him. So far he hasn’t a single kill… But his team is constantly alive.

 **Genn:** Hanzo. Fights with rage and honor. And also, he has wolves and dragons. And a bow. Hanzo is great.

 **Aysa:** Widowmaker. She liked the skin and the French. But now she kind of regrets she didn’t choose Symmetra… 

 **Thrall:** Zenyatta. He feels with him on a spiritual level. He also wants balance and peace. And Robots are problematic and no one understands them, so he tries…

 **Vol'jin:** Reaper. You have to understand he didn’t (and still doesn’t) want to play Overwatch, but his fellow Horde leaders talked him into it and they agreed that he should play Reaper. He likes the abilities, but not Reaper as person.

 **Baine:** Bastion. He got him at the beep beep.

> **Baine:**  Also Bastion comes with a small bird.

**Sylvanas:** Symmetra. She wanted to try a different style of playing… And also it is a revenge on Aysa who stole her Widowmaker.

 **Lor'themar:** Soldier:76, because if you are playing war, you have to be a soldier. Not some hero maniac or a balance-syndrome robot.

 **Gallywix:** Junkrat. C’mon, this one was meant to happen. Blow it up!

 **Ji:** Mei. Because if you are a panda and don’t play a chubby Chinese, you are doing it wrong. And also she is “cool” and cool.

 **+Bonus Rexxar:**  Winston. The power of wild, here we go! Winston is  _almost_  as cool as Misha. But only almost.

 **+Bonus Koltira:** Genji. Everyone has to admit he is one of the best assassins there ever were playing. Kicks up Greymane’s ass every time. Because Koltira is a roleplay freak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is actually the second version of this list, because on the first try Alliance was nearly offence/support only, while Horde was defense/tank. Now each fraction has 3 offense players, 3 defense players, 1 tank and 2 supporters. Because of this the Horde needs to fill two empty spaces, they have 2 guest players :)  
> Another noteworthy thing is that this list predates announcement of Ana and all the heroes who followed after her, like Hammond, Symmetra, Orisa and Doomfist. Writing this list now (especially given the new format with Allied races + Taedal), it would look quite different.


	36. Something embarrassing has happened

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How do the leaders react when something embarrassing happens to them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This list was requested anonymously

**Varian:** In case you haven’t seen major royal blush, here you have a perfect example of one. Just careful, because Varian is going to destroy things out of instinct.

**The Council of Three Hammers:  
**

> **Muradin:**  Pretends he has an amnesia attack. You’d be surprised how great results it has. **  
> Moira:** Explicitly explains why and how it is not her fault and then storms out of the room.  
>  **Falstad:**  Finds someone/something nearby to blame it on. 

**Tyrande:** She gulps, puts someone nearby (probably Malfurion) in charge, while she disappears and tries to stop herself from having a panic attack. 

 **Mekkatorque:**  It is very, very hard to embarrass the High Tinker. But if you do, he has the tendency to say something like: ”Well at least it’s not radiation.”

 **Velen:**  He is old enough to just shrug it off and solve the situation with calmness.

 **Genn:** Panics and is useless, unless the situation isn’t settled. But the he quickly forgets about it and pretends nothing happened. **  
**

 **Aysa:** Makes a silly joke about it and says something like “Even a master makes mistake” and hopes nobody notices she is about to cry. Feels like a complete failure for the following  _year_.

 **Thrall:** He rolls away with it like a boss, pretending it was supposed to happen from the very beginning. Feels like a complete failure of the orckind for the following week. 

 **Vol'jin:** He laughs it off, because what else should he do? Turning it into a joke is at least a good reason to make someone’s day. 

 **Baine:**  He keeps apologizing until somebody loses their nerves and tells him that nothing happened and he should stop with the apologizes. 

 **Sylvanas:** Pretends it didn’t happen/is not happening. Later rages out at some poor soul who has no idea what, who nor why. ****

 **Lor'themar:** Doesn’t realize that the situation is embarrassing, because he has social feelings of a dead frog. So he keeps doing whatever he is doing and everyone has just to deal with it. 

 **Gallywix:**  Immediately makes 101 plans how to sell it for a large profit. 99 of the plans would even work. Some of them are maybe even legal.

 **Ji:** Ignores the embarrassment. You’d be surprised how excellent results he gets from it. If you ignore something or long enough, it gives up and leaves (at least, that is the theory. Warning: Wounds do not cooperate).


	37. What kind of music do they like

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This list was requested anonymously.

**Varian:** Classic Rock’n’Roll. Beatlemania is still a thing for him.

**The Council of Three Hammers:  
**

> **Muradin:**  Irish (resp. dwarven) folk and opera. Operas are awesomeand Ironforge has one hell of acoustic for opera singers. **  
> Moira:**  Antic music… No idea where she got it from.  
>  **Falstad:** Do you know what folk metal is? So I believe you have the impression. 

**Tyrande:** She is a lot into classic folk, country and tramp songs. If you can’t have fun as the Highpriestess and you take everything seriously, after a millennium or two the job will drive you nuts.

 **Mekkatorque:** Gnomes invented dubstep and techno on Azeroth. Of course he listens to it! 

 **Velen:** Classic music, or example Vivaldi or Beethoven. And also movie and game OST, because that’s basically the same. 

 **Genn:** Ordinary heavy metal… And also punk. Black Sabbath and Sex Pistols, if you need some examples. **  
**

 **Aysa:** J-pop, j-rock, k-pop and k-rock. Such as One OK Rock.

 **Thrall:** Orcs are more of hip-hop and rap race, but Thrall’s taste are blues and spirituals.

 **Vol'jin:** Jazz and lots and lots of swing. Bonus: Guess his favorite musical. Yeah, it’s Chicago. 

 **Baine:**  And here we found the etno&meditative music guy. With his favorite pick being traditional chinese music.

 **Sylvanas:** Gothic rock, despite most of the undead preferring death metal… Sisters of Mercy are her #1.

 **Lor'themar:** Symphonic metal, power metal, and speed metal. [We all know he’d join the Nightwish](http://wowheadquarters.tumblr.com/post/143312317612/if-they-lived-on-the-planet-earth)if he could.

 **Gallywix:**  He nearly worships pop, but that is probably just because it makes loads of money. Most of Goblins inherited love for jazz from Trolls.

 **Ji:**   ~~Christmas~~  Winter Veil carols. Judge all you want, he doesn’t care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be grateful that at the time of writing this list I hadn't come up with the 'Gnometal' pun yet. Anyway, 'Torque listens to gnometal.


	38. Locked in a room together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are having a different order here - it is chronological, how it would happen in time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This list was requested anonymously.

**Ji:** Tries to open the door with a force. Doesn’t work, and now his hands hurt. He is sad.

 **Genn:**   Has the mighty need to start fighting Sylvanas. He submits to it.

 ** **Varian:****  Knocks out his fellow king before he can do some actual damage. Doesn’t apologize to Sylvanas for neither of them. 

 **Sylvanas:** Sits in the corner and feels offended.Curses in such a manner no lady should even know it exists. **  
**

 **Gallywix:**  Says: “I know a lot of things  _are_ my fault, but this time it isn’t that case!”

 **Thrall:** Immediately feels like it is his fault and sits in the corner (not next to Sylvanas) and tries not to cry.

 **Aysa:** Goes and comforts Thrall. Tickling involved. It doesn’t work. 

 **Falstad:** Starts a drinking contest. Where did he get all the booze from remains a mystery.

 **Vol'jin:** Joins the drinking contest. Where did he get all the booze from is  _also_ a mystery. 

 **Muradin:**  Sits in another corner and is amused by everything what is happening. Starts polishing his hammer (again) to pass the time. **  
**

 **Tyrande:**  Wants to join the drinking contest but finds out her hidden flasks of rice wine are gone (where she kept them is a mystery). It stops being a mystery where did Vol’jin got ‘his’ alcohol.

 **Baine:**  Prevents Vol’jin and Tyrande from getting into a fight with each other by sitting on them both. 

 **Lor'themar:** Considers everyone acting like a stupid small children, sits in the last free corner and takes a well-deserved nap.

 **Moira:** Takes advantage of the Lord Regent sleeping and braids his hair into dwarven buns. 

 **Velen:** Asks Moira to braid his beard as well. Is sent to hell by Moira. **  
**

 **Mekkatorque:** After two hours he gets bored and picks the lock on the door. Everyone out, because the High Tinker is getting a headache from you all. 


End file.
